Lessons From the Wait

May 18th 2011. I don't remember anything about the day. I doubt that all that much happened. But I know that I was crying that night. In a bright pink journal I wrote my first entry. It was a prayer. But before the prayer I penned:
But slowly I'm realizing that you need to be dedicated to Him and His Kingdom work. You are on His mission, not mine. Accomplishing His goals, not mine. I'm praying that you will be faithful now and in the future. That you will have His heart and His mission. That your heart would be explosive with His love, alive with His power, driven by His passion and dedicated by His spirit.... with or without me.
Almost a year later the bright pink journal is almost complete. It's full of struggles, prayers, and letters.
There have been lessons learned about waiting. A few of which I thought I would share:

1). I'm not waiting for him

You read it right. At one time I was and it was a really stupid idea. It was a scheme where you wait so that you can get a really good one. What if you don't get anyone?
Waiting is not about finding a really good catch. It's about honoring God no matter what. Yes, if he does ever come, he will have the joy of sweeping off her feet a girl who waited for him, but that's the blessing not the point of it all. The point is, God must be first and God must be glorified.
This doesn't mean throwing out the idea of waiting. By all means wait. It does mean that the motivation should be for God not for a guy.

2). None of this is his fault

This brings me to another journal entry:
I feel like I need to apologize to you. I need to say I'm sorry for being bitter. I'm sorry for being impatient. I'm sorry for blaming you for my lonliness and pain. I'm sorry for judging you.
You see, as a girl who is waiting for one man it is easy to be brutally judgmental of him. To be bitter and cynical over not being loved.
None of this is his fault. It really isn't. If he is a man of God, he is doing his absolute best to honor God in all relationships, including marriage. He isn't trying to make life miserable, he's simply doing what He feels to be best according to the light that God has given him.
I prayed that there wouldn't be many... sometimes I prayed for one. But I'm not sure that God will grant that. But I prayed that there wouldn't be many. It would only be an ego boost. Perhaps the lonliness is an answer to prayer.

3). Nothing changes at the altar

If you can't trust his good judgment to not pursue anything right now, how are you going to trust his leadership later on down the road? Seriously, nothing changes at the altar. This is the first step in whether or not you really want to trust this man's leadership.